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THE HEART IS ALL THAT REMAINS
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Why is it when your sick that you find yourself thinking more with your heart than with your head?

Someone pointed out to me that it was what I was doing today.

I didn’t realize it, but thinking about it now I realize that it’s the truth.

My heart has been controlling my mind, instead of my head today.

I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I have been very sick today and I can barely move, let alone speak.

It hurts just to lift my head from my pillow.

My voice is gone and my eyes express just how unwell I really am.

All I can do is think and even that is an effort.

I don't get sick very often but when I do it really hits me hard.

I feel needy today.

I wished someone were here that I could curl my body around to feel their warmth.

It isn’t just a physical need, but a need that comes straight from my heart.

I longed to be held today, not just by anyone, but also by someone that I care about and who cares about me.

It makes me wonder if I just have a need to be taken care of, to be coddled and fussed over, or does it just intensify my need to feel someone’s warmth beside me.

Maybe it just intensifies how I feel about someone.

I am not sure.

In my weakened state, I can almost hear her even breathing.

I can almost feel her chest slowly rise and fall underneath the palm of my warm hand.

I can almost feel my arm holding her close as she sleeps beside me.

Is my mind just playing with me?

Has my mind just weakened and my heart stepped in to take control?

I am not sure.

I feel peaceful right now, even though I would love to sleep this sickness away, to sleep away the fever that is raging through my body.

But the thing is that I would rather sleep it away with her.

Being sick seems to have sent my heart in a tailspin.

It is going places it hasn’t been yet.

It’s creating a longing inside of me.

It’s always been there, but the ache has been mostly sexual.

Now it’s more.

I ache to hear her breathing, to hear her heart beating, to hear her whisper in my ear.

Do I feel these things because I don’t feel well, or am I feeling these things because I am relaxed enough to allow my mind to travel to places that have been forbidden?

Forbidden by my own accord, as a form of protection against hurt.

My guard is down.

My heart is open.

My mind is elsewhere and although I do have a strong longing, it feels wonderful to want someone again.

 

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