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ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!
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I’m afraid of living my life.

I am afraid of living as loud as I possibly can.

I hate hiding in the shadows and living as if my life isn’t existing.

It bothers me greatly to have to do that, but I am not sure if there is any other choice.

If I decide to move forward and not care who knows what is happening in my life, people will get hurt.

Hell, I think they are hurt already.

Now comes the hard part.

Do I dissect myself from that pain, or do I apologize for causing it when I did nothing to encourage it?

Caring about other people’s feelings is one of my best and my worst quality.

It is the best because it allows me to be the compassionate and giving person that I am.

It is the worst because I feel like I have to hide my life.

I feel like I cannot open up and fully express how someone has brought light into my life.

I do that out of fear of really hurting someone who loves me.

Someone is in love with me.

It is well known.

It is shouted from the rooftops.

I, on the other hand, remain quiet and mute.

What do I do?

What do I do when my heart lies with someone else and not with the person that loves me with all that they are?

I don’t know the easy answer to that.

I don’t want to hurt her.

I honestly don’t.

I am just getting tired of being a mouse.

I am tired of pretending that no one exists in my life, especially when the person that entered my life brought an amazing amount of joy, trust and happiness to me.

It’s like a knife in the chest to see someone say that they are going to give up on love because you cannot return it.

It’s like a stab in the heart because you know deep down that they are talking about you and because they suspect someone else is in your life.

I hate knowing that I have caused someone pain, but do I shelter myself just to save someone pain?

I am not talking about rubbing their nose in what I have found.

I am not talking about shoving it into their face.

I would never do that.

I am talking about keeping quiet about the events in my life.

If I were to keep doing that, I would feel like I was betraying the close friendship.

Love has a way of fucking things up sometimes.

I hate to say that, but it’s the truth.

It mars friendships and it builds a wall around the honesty of a friendship.

You are incapable of sharing the joy in your life.

You must keep that hidden deep within your heart.

I don’t think there is an easy solution to all of this.

It’s been an inner battle I have been struggling with for a while now.

I have come up with no answers at all.

It makes me feel like a cold heartless bastard.

I hate feeling like this.

It has gotten so bad that most of the time I find myself sinking into darkness.

I beat myself up because I can’t give someone what they want, especially when I desire to give it to someone else.

Arrrrghhhhhh!!!!!

Someone give me the answers!!

Please!!