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Monday, Jul. 18, 2005 - 01:32 a.m.
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"There are things in this world that make me cry;"
"There are things in my head I dare not touch;"
"There are reasons why I don’t;"
"There are too many questions;"
"There are not enough answers;"
"There are never enough answers;"
"These are just words;"
"They
are here for you..."
Newest 5 Entries:
My Suicide... (Updated) - Sunday, Jun. 17, 2007
I'm Sorry... - Sunday, Apr. 22, 2007
I Give Up... - Monday, Nov. 27, 2006
Questioning My Existence... - Monday, Nov. 20, 2006
Sometimes... - Monday, Nov. 13, 2006
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: “I believe the saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you see them and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name.” *************************************************************** ***************************************************************
I would like to visit you for a while Because I don't know you anymore Springtime in the city 'Cause I don't know you anymore I know I let you down So maybe I shouldn't have called Because I don't know you anymore I see your face I see your face *************************************************************** Sitting around a table at the studio on Friday night someone said something that got me thinking. They asked, “How
would you feel and what would you do if one of your ex’s walked in the door and attended a class?” Thinking about it for a second I answered honestly,
“Nothing...I
would feel and do nothing.” That obviously took them by surprise and I felt obligated to expand on the reasons for my response. I answered like that because of two reasons: One, almost all of them would
never have the courage to do something like that And Two in a manner of speaking, they no longer exist. Let me clarify that, the people that I knew and shared parts of my life with, are no longer the same people that they were. Most of them have moved on, gotten married, changed their names and to a degree have had their personalities and opinions overridden by the people they are now with. Their names have changed so in actual fact the person that I knew no longer exists. Does that make sense? To illustrate the point, a few months ago, I was at another dance studio (not my normal studio), attending a try-out for a partner
for a friend, minding my own business when an ex walked in the door. Of course I was somewhat shocked and I did feel for a moment that my heart was going to leap out of
my chest but after the initial shock wore off, I realized that I felt nothing else. It surprised me somewhat as this particular person tore
out my heart
on numerous occasions, so I was expecting a lot more of an emotional response, but it did not come. Looking at her, I realized that she was not the same person that I had been involved with. There were so many differences about her. For
example: The self-assured walk, posture, identity
and strength that I thought was so ingrained in her, and that I respected in
her was gone. It was replaced with a nervousness, a meekness,
a subservience in her that in all the time that I had known her had not been there. Maybe it had to do with whom she was with or whatever, but she, in my eyes, was just different. Believe it or not the one thing I did feel, overwhelmingly in fact, was compassion. I don’t’ know why
but it bothered me immensely, still does. Maybe
because on some level I still care about her. Thinking upon it later, I thought it maybe it was just me being overly critical against someone that hurt me, but I realized it wasn’t because I always wanted the best for her even if it meant a life without me in it. My friend finished her try-out and we
left the studio. She asked me if that was my ex, and I said
“Yeah, it was.” “Do you feel okay?”
she asked. “I’m
fine," I replied. And the
thing was that I really was fine. I
felt nothing. After telling all this to the person that asked me the question in the first place, I realized that all other conversations at the table had ceased and everyone had been listening intently to what I had been saying. I finished with,
“Well that’s only how I feel” and cracked a joke
to break the mood and the night proceeded. I just found the question really intriguing and
thought I’d write about it here. See you next time.
I DON’T KNOW YOU ANYMORE
Artist: Savage Garden
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I’ll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold
If you know what I mean
Everyone's got an agenda don't stop
Keep that chin up you'll be all right
Can you believe what a year it's been?
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I’ve paid the price
I’m still paying for it every day
Was it too soon to tell
Oh what the Hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again
I
FEEL NOTHING
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